Follow Darlene from the beginning of her journey to losing over 150 lbs!
Her most prominent days of training will be shared for the first time publicly dating back 2 years.
Witness her failures and successes, the ups and downs of achieving and maintaining a healthy lifestyle.
Journal entries every Thursday
Installment 1
September 22, 2006. RJ has asked me to write a journal entry for today. Wow. Not really sure what to think. On Sept 19 I weighed in at 283 pounds. Holy cow! I am feeling many different emotions about today: excited, embarrassed, proud, unsure, happy. Running the gamet. Really didn't think that I could finish what I was doing. Actually thought that I was going to break down and cry. Then I said a quick prayer and continued. Can't believe that I was in a gym exercising dripping beads of perspiration on the floor while people were watching. I could see myself through others eyes and I was horrified. All I could do was just concentrate on what I had to do and do it. Had to block out everything else or I am not sure that I could go back and do it again. Can't believe that I was actually there. Still shaking my head. Not really sure how I would rate how I did. How do you rate someone who is 150 pounds over weight. I keep thinking about how I did, I need to stop thinking about measuring up to some standard/norm. All I can do is continue to try my best. Wasn't surprised at the food. I was aware that I was eating too much at one time. When I eat I usually fell stuffed when I am done. I know what needs to be done and need to get better at it. It is great to have it on paper and great to have areas of improvement pointed out. I need all the information and education that I can in order to be successful and I fully intend on succeeding. I know I can do it. There is no quiting this time. This is a lifestyle change, not a diet,fad or temporary change, this is for life.
Installment 2
September 28, 2006. Having a bad day. Do not know where my excitement and energy went to. Not recuperating from RJ's last session and today I am up for another. Feeling anxious about it. Upset with gym no one able to help me yesterday. Got a girl and the counter who says she doesn't work out at all because she doesn't have the time. Honestly not what I needed to happen. Guess this is all part of it. I do not, will not fall off of the program for success that I am following. I have lost 6 pounds and intend on losing another five by next Tuesday. I am sure I can do it. I have to. I would have been fat for the rest of my life. Not what I want. Chances are though....? It helps to write it out. RJ doesn't push me beyond what I can do. I need to focus, push people out and not worry about others and what they are thinking. The better the session the quicker and more positive the results will be. I am never alone. God is always with me and He carries me when I am weak and tired. There is a plan it is up to me to make it work. NEVER GIVE UP. PUSH YOURSELF. I CAN DO IT. I need to LOVE MYSELF ENOUGH TO DO WHAT IS BEST FOR ME. "Looking after yourself everyday and putting forth your best effort to love yourself to do what is best for you".
Installment 3
September 30, 2006. Faced with the great debate earlier. To go or not to go to the gym. Trying to figure out how many days, sessions, when will I be able to train ect... Realized that it really didn't matter. If I wanted to go, just go and do it. I went, spent 20 min on the walker. Felt fine after wards. Glad I went. Worried about getting obsessive about exercising I know it can happen. Need to be a little careful. I want to do this right. Will work out again Sunday am. Then it is training with RJ Monday and Tuesday. Should be fun.
October 10, 2006. Survived Thanksgiving. Didn't do too bad. Felt like a slug this past weekend. missed going to the gym. finally went for a long walk on Sunday afternoon. hit the gym as soon as I got into the city. finding it hard to exercise after working a night shift but do not like the idea of walking up in the late afternoon/early evening to go. I may have to try it. Not sure if my eating is right for night shifts or not. snacking every 4 hours. Calories under 1200 fat grams up on some days but basically I am doing an excellent job. working on being consistent. doing good. actually I am just finding that my hair and skin is very dry. may need to get a healthy oil on board. RJ would not weigh me last week and i don't think I'll let him for the next couple.
Installment 4 - January 7,2009
October 16, 2006. Not feeling well; sore throat & stuffed up. Saw RJ today , did pretty good. New abdominal exercise just about killed me. Had to take some time to regroup(pray)before I finished and I did it! Actually walked up the 5 flights of stairs at work on sunday. I debated it for along time(week) didn't know if I could do it and afraid I wouldn't be able to. Did them 3 times, wow! Slightly tired but I took deep breaths on the landings and made it! I am so proud. Told RJ about it and he was excited for me. I am thankful that he is my trainer. He pushes but so far he is no Paul Plakus(ha ha ha). I am enjoying what I am doing. I can continue this through out my life. Kinda missing chocolate right now. Yikes, RJ is putting me on the scale on Wednesday. Don't want to. I am hoping for 10-15 pounds. Please, please, please. I'll be so disappointed if I'm not at least 10 pounds lighter.
I'd love to be 270lbs. Here's hoping.
Installment 5 - January 15, 2009
October 17,2006. Worked out hard today. Even tried some skipping. Did better by myself than with RJ. Too nervous or tired when I am with him in front of other people. Usually I feel like I am in a zone and I tune out everyone. Who knows maybe at some level I am still acutely aware of those around me. Need to get over that. RJ doesn't think anything of it. Why should I. We are all there for the same thing. I just happen to be a different shape at the moment. Tomorrow is weigh in day and I'm not happy about it. Down right scared to see the numbers. Pray that everything worked out. 10-15 pounds that is what I want. Of course I got a visitor today. So now I am bloated and weepy. Nuts, hope he doesn't make me cry(ha ha ha). Only tomorrow will tell. Nights supervisor from work was at the gym today. Glad to finally see someone I know.
Installment 6 - January 22,2009
October 18, 2006. I did it!!!Lost 19 pounds!! Feels great. High fives from the front desk staff. Thank you God for answering prayers. The work does pay off. RJ is really happy! Now I'm worried its too much of a loss, don't want tones of flabby skin. Will talk with Sangsters (later this evening). (Evening) Been to Selkirk, went to Sangsters and have now started on Vit E and will pick up Silica on Saturday. Also had a tan, it was great. All in all a good day. Even got some yard work done. Need to keep up the good/hard work. Can't slack off. Don't want to. I enjoy it. I know I'll have loose skin but I will have it removed. Nip and tuck time then, only way. Should try to start saving money. Talked to family and friends they are all excited. I just need to fit everything in together. I need to make it all work. Some how I'll find a way.
Installment 7 - January 29,2009
October 20, 2006. Forgot to write yesterday. Started stairs on Thursday again. Having a hard time. I'm so slow and out of shape. Better than before but it is embarrassing. I huff and puff, I'm slow and others come up behind me and I have to stop and let them pass. I should be proud, I'm trying. Today doubts keep crossing my mind. The whole it's useless, you can't do it crap it back. Why? I've been spending a lot of time at the gym but I enjoy that. It is hard but not that hard. I just don't belong. I don't fit in. I know I have to /need to do this. I want to , really want to. I wish..I want so much.Shit, I don't know. I dream my life away. I need to get with reality. Live my life in the moment. Thankful for RJ but mad that he has made my weight loss public. Don't know why I'm so upset. Just didn't want to bring any attention to the fat girl trying to lose weight. The praise sounds phony and sometimes I think I hear pity/sympathy. I have to get my head around it all. Don't know how but I have to try. Feeling depressed. Sad, so sad.
Installment 8 - February 5, 2009
October 23, 2006. Great day. Gym went well. Didn't find I have enough time to get it all done in the morning. Still doing the stairs going ok. Have more stamina then before, so thats good. I'm still going. This is a small thing that I can do on a daily basis no charge. All is well. I know its not a diet its is the way that I want to live my life. Need to give it my all with RJ this week. I always do. Want to try my best to succeed. I love having a trainer. It's great.
Installment 9 - February 12, 2009
October 30, 2006. Great workout today. I have increased stamina. Actually did stairs as well x's 2. RJ said he wouldn't mind doing the stairs again and I said ok. Worked out very well. He said he's going to give me a work out to follow for the rest of the week. Worked out hard today, boosted my treadmill to 3.1 mph. I started at 2.7, so much improved. Going great. Worked up a sweat. I worry that RJ is going to start scheduling me for only one session per week. I feel that I need 2. I enjoy training with him on the coed side. I would miss the workout, support and companionship. Saw Dr Z today got a Rx for a new drug need to take it for one month. Hopefully it will work. What a blessing that would be. I have been greatly blessed these past weeks. Thank You God.
Installment 10 - February 19, 2009
November 4, 2006. Woke up later than usual, 0830. Didn't get to the gym until 0930. Really late for me and what I had planned for my day. Just didn't want to get out of bed. Had a great workout. Just about killed me. I don't know. This second workout RJ has assigned is a killer. Man, it is all I can do to get through it. Made it through. Actually have a bruise on my knee in the pattern of the floor. Think I may share that one with RJ on Monday. Can't believe it. It is actually funny. I am a giant peach. Just a tender and soft little girl. Today didn't do so good in the eating department. Not bad, just grazed my way through. Stupid, I knew what and when I was doing it, just didn't stop it. Ate better in the eve. Will make proper allowances for tomorrow. Picked up an extra shift so back early and will get myself back on track. Same old at home. Good to see family they are starting to noticed a change. It was good to hear. They keep saying I am on a diet kick, I told him it is not a kick, it is a new lifestyle. This is not something I will be able to stop. This is for life.
